SILENCED INTO MEDIOCRITY

Hey,

Do you feel drowned out by everyone when you're in a room? Literally not ask a question you're dying to know because you're too shy? Not ever want people to know you're amazing at something?

Let me tell you my story

I lived a princess fantasy, I was a very fragile child (not weak, never weak) and till this day things still get to me easily, I have never done well with pressure, I never ever thought it was possible for people to be mean but I was happy. I was the happiest child alive. In 1st and 2nd grade, I was soft spoken and never really liked to speak up in class but I was brilliant (humble brag), Esther was the loudest girl in the class and somehow we ended up always too close in grades to distinguish who was actually 1st position in class. Our teachers then decided that they'd judge us based on our reading skills. I was far far better at English language than Esther but the fact that I had to read in front of everyone was horrifying and I would VOLUNTARILY back down and let Esther take MY spot, a spot I worked so hard for. I eventually moved states and got to a new school, met a new 'Esther' and the cycle continued, the only difference was that this 'Esther' bullied me into believing I was inferior to her and kept me under her thumb. I changed schools again and by this time I had been bullied into silence. I did good in my new school, amazingly well actually but as usual all good things have to end and I graduated primary school. 7th grade came along and I was doing well enough, I wasn't 1st or 2nd or 3rd anymore however, I was 5th and I could not wrap my head around it. Tried again and I could only move up to 3rd, then I started to feel like I had a problem. I changed schools as I progressed to 8th grade and this was the absolute worst because this was the school where I was bullied relentlessly, report time came and I was a hundred and something out of a combined number of 179. I had hit rock bottom.

It was a downward spiral from there, all my teachers acknowledged that I was in fact intelligent but they couldn't pinpoint what was wrong with me but deep down, I knew. I had been silenced into mediocrity. How I passed my GCSEs was a mystery but I did, went on to my university where I literally was a bottom tier student, had a very low GPA and I became a student of concern and then it was apparent that I was completely broken. My mother though, despite all of this still had so much faith in me and till today, I'm not sure why but throughout everything she was there. I had disappointed her, I was a failure but she was still there. I got suicidal and I began to harbour ill thoughts about myself but I still was the 'happy friend', I still made jokes and was fun but I was dying inside. To make matters worse my father told me that he didn't think that I should be in the scientific field anymore because it was obvious that I was not skilled in sciences, we fought tooth and nail and eventually I changed my university again, to the one I'm in now to study Biomedical science. I pulled myself together and had a self evaluation and I told myself, "You will not do this anymore, you will be the best you. No more Esthers, no more giving anyone else the power to make you feel inferior"

I got my results back 2 weeks ago and the girl who was a student of concern is literally now a bright student again. This semester, I'm working towards all As and I will never ever be silenced into mediocrity again. It's a learning process and I'm nowhere near perfect but I'm getting there.

But imagine if I wasn't strong enough. Imagine if I gave up, imagine if all that was left of me was a memory. Some people can't just pull themselves out of depression like that, some people actually need someone to sit there and say "I understand you, I want to help you fix your problem. Talk to me", be that person. What do you gain if you don't help others?

Mental health illnesses are REAL. People are suffering everyday and if someone could just ask if they're ok, just once.

Some of you are in the process of being silenced into mediocrity, don't let that happen please. Ask that question, Make that speech. Be a you that you love to see everyday.

Let me add, if you feel the need to put down someone else in order to rise, you're going down a dangerous path an you might not like the results.

Also, talk to your parents or whoever can help you. Don't keep things to yourself. It could be your friends or it could even be me but there's always someone out there willing to listen.

Until next time