COLORISM: MY EXPERIENCE

colourism /ˈkʌlərɪz(ə)m/

noun US noun: colorism prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group.

I don’t think this certain boy ever remembered or knew how much he had affected that little dark skinned girl he made fun of relentlessly all through middle school and high school, in most parts of Nigeria known as secondary school. I never realized how much it affected me until I grew up and people started speaking up about colorism. I could never understand why someone who was the same skin color as me (if not even darker) would make me feel inferior.

I remember these events like they had just been played out in front of me. Isn’t it strange that we’re black people trying so hard to be accepted in society but we poison ourselves within our community? It’s not just black people to be very honest, I focus on black people because that’s the community my experience is related to, but people fail to realize that this is a worldwide issue, One of my best friends comes from Pakistan, she can definitely relate to the issues I face, she is darker than most people that come from there, she has a banging curvy body, I’m not even kidding when I say her body is phenomenal, to us in our friendship circle and here in England she is considered beautiful but back home she was not exactly considered aesthetically pleasing because she didn’t fit into the standard that they had created for themselves: Tall, thin and pale. It’s hard out here for women, it’s hard for black people and it’s definitely hard for plus size people. As someone that is a member of ALL 3 of these groups, life itself is a challenge, if you’re not tough enough, you’ll lose.

I never thought of myself as beautiful, at a young age people had instilled in me that I was so unattractive, and when I had got back from boarding school and I was in my safe space with my mother it was always “Mummy, why am I not good enough for these people?”My mother, bless her heart tried her hardest to make me understand that these people were morons but the masks of peer pressure and inferiority are so bound to people, it’s hard to take off and it took me almost 6 years to let go of most of it.

The funny part of the whole situation to me was how me and this boy were almost the exact same person, (actually I was cuter but ok) he was incredibly dark skinned, I was as well, he wasn’t the skinniest person in the world, neither was I but I was tall and he was short. The FUNNIEST part was how everyone else who helped him to bash me was light skinned and they NEVER ONCE said anything derogatory to him, isn’t life a joke? I spent hours comparing myself to other people but never for one second was bleaching my skin an option in my head. I think it was because somewhere deep inside my fragile broken confidence was a tiny voice, my mother’s voice telling me “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world.” I’m not so innocent, I have subjected people to standards that were instilled in me too because I thought that was right.

I have a friend who’s very light skinned and ironically her sister is very dark skinned, these girls are so stunning it’s almost unreal. People would instinctively think my friend was prettier because she was light skinned, I did too until one day I happened to sit down and examine both of them and I slowly began to realise how very beautiful her sister was and still is ( I love you babes, no shade 😂😉)

And it makes me laugh how I thought my own sister was the most beautiful thing ever with the same skin colour as mine and I couldn’t think that about myself. I wanted to protect her so bad from the people that had broken down her older sister but I had to learn that you can’t save people from life, they just go through it.

One day, my beautiful friend Daniella told me “I wish I was like you, you’re so confident” and I smiled internally, if only she knew, I had to fake my confidence because if no one will hype you up guess what? You’ll do it for yourself. I’m always watching Jackie Aina on YouTube and everyone is always like “The only thing you watch is makeup.” Jackie Aina is beyond make up, she taught me, a dark skinned girl, the ropes in beauty. She is everything I wanted to be, confident, funny and comfortable with who she is. Dear people, if you have not been taught how to act right and civil in your household, I welcome you to HNTBWP 101 (How not to be a wretched person 101) with Erivwode Rukevwe Valerie. If you do not know how to act right, eventually someone somewhere will teach you how to. You think it’s funny that you bullied someone, guess what? Karma is coming for you. Next time you feel like saying something mean, don’t. FYI Karma doesn’t always get you; sometimes it goes for your kids so sit there and laugh boo, it wouldn’t be so funny when your kid comes back home crying every single time because they feel the same things you made people feel.

It was so hard for me to share my experience with people because I literally cry everytime but I’m taking steps towards healing and one of those steps is talking about it. I know at some point that I would have to forgive him but for now, I’m holding on to what he put me through because it shaped a huge part of who I am and I’m kind of grateful for that. Have you been through any traumatic events that changed your life? Let me know. I love you always.